Commitment, Trials, Thoughts

I started this blog with all intentions of actually updating, and updating frequently.  This past little while I have been slacking in the writing department all together.  I use writing as an outlet, not all of my writing is made public on either one of my blogs some of it is private because I am not comfortable or ready to share it with the world, those are generally my entries, so I can go back and read them at a later date and reflect on what happened and why it made me feel the way I did at that moment.  This really gives me no excuse as to why I have not blogged.

I could say I was really busy, but I haven’t been.  Truth is I haven’t felt like “talking” to anyone, at all – even if those people are strangers and even if this blog is not being read.  I have been pretty reflective lately.  I started this weight loss journey back in August of 2010 with all the hopes and intentions of getting to my goal weight by June of 2012, and here I sit at the end of January  of 2012 and I am sitting at pretty much the EXACT same spot that I was then.  This realization has hurt me big time, it has made me feel like a complete failure, and has made me want to quit.  For a couple of days I thought  there was no point but I still logged in to Myfitnesspal and I still logged every piece of food that went into my mouth, and I still worked out – sometimes with out as much gumption as I should have had but I did it.

Tomorrow I step on the scale and face what the end of January brings me, I really hope it is less than the last week – I stayed the same last week.  But if not I will still plug on because even if I have not lost any damn weight, I have gained a bit of confidence, I have completed part of the C25K program (I am on W3D3) and that is something I never thought I would do.   I also find myself WANTING to work out (who would have thunk).

With February 1 just hours away, I have recommitted myself to this  10o%.  I am tossing around the idea of spending the money and getting a body media fit, I am beginning to wonder if the generic online calculators are lying to me and if this is true than I have been eating way too much (or maybe not enough, but with my luck it would be way too much).  If I am eating too much that would explain so so much as to why this has been a complete struggle and why I have not seen any movement on the scale.

 

Either way I hope to be blogging here more, and I am hoping that majority of the entries here will be a humorous look at my struggles with this part of my life – because if you can’t laugh at yourself, than you do not have the right to laugh at yourself right?

 

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