Well I did plan on updating a little sooner than this but then my computer decided it doesn’t want to work and updating on a tablet or via mobile phone just proves to be a little ridiculous with all the auto correcting and the spelling errors is really frustrating.
I did finish Insanity (well I finished but didn’t do the last fitness test because mother nature turned into a whore and I spent time shoveling snow, and then chipping ice and now I feel like doing it would be a waste of my time) I am sure the numbers didn’t change from the last fitness test as those numbers hadn’t changed much from the one before that and I am OK with it because I stuck with something for 60 fricken days. 60. That may not sound like a whole lot to some but for me that is HUGE, like so big because for the most part I do not stick to anything that hurts me more than a few days, and Insanity hurt.
Over the course of 60 days I did a lot of swearing at Shaun T, I started the program looking forward to seeing him take his shirt off and by the end of the 60 days I wanted to throw my water bottle at the TV because he is annoying as all fucking hell. His abs were no longer the source of my motivation to get out of my chair and do Insanity, and the people in his video no longer made me want to push harder. In fact I wanted to kick majority of the women in the face. Who the fuck smiles while they do Insanity? I can hardly even breathe let along smile. I did learn a lot, I learned that I can do anything I really put my mind to. I also learned that I can do a whole lot more with my wrecked body than I though imaginable, although some things I still cannot achieve – moving pushups, or really pushups in general. I also learned what a pulled oblique feels like – its not nice in case you were wondering.
During the course of the 2 months I did Insanity I stayed away from the scale. Why? Because honestly it was demoralizing to see the scale go up and then come down only to go up again and I know its because of the exercise but sometimes that stupid scale governs how I really feel about myself (Even if I do not want it to). So I banished the scale (removing the batteries and all) to under the sink until I was finished, I also had a week after I was done – to let my body relax a little. Well I stepped on the scale on March 28th (I was going out of town for Easter so I weighed in a little earlier than anticipated) and guess what, I gained weight. Yup, almost 2 pounds. And no do not tell me it is muscle because I know it is not. I dropped 0.3% body fat overall in 2 months so there is no way I gained 2 pounds of muscle eating in a deficit. Has my body composition changed? Yeah look at the pictures, but it could just be my posture that changed that made it look like something changed. I do not know. I do know it fucking hurt, and it sucks and I hate it and I just want to quit. I won’t, because I still don’t want to die at the end of June, but it also means I need to push myself harder or change the way I am eating or something.
I do know that this week I am going to start Body Combat – In my living room of course. I do not expect miracles but I do think I have a plan in place. I have sent my food journal to private on MFP, there is one person who has the password; I have removed all the macros as I think I over whelmed myself. I have decided to eat a set amount of calories (I will not say how much for now) and I will not be eating back my exercise calories (I will be logging them as 1 calorie) so I do not eat them back (I really think something is wonky with calories burned or something which may be hindering my progress or something, either way I am going to do this my own way and see what can happen.
Lately this blog has been more about exercise and weight loss than anything else but that is because at this moment that is where my life is. Sometimes its really hard to find a good balance in everything, sometimes its really frustrating to try and balance crafting, and scrapbooking, and food, and exercise and work, and life in general. Sometimes I wish there was a pause button and sometimes I wish I could photo shop the shit out of my real life body so that if I felt like being super skinny one day I could, and if I felt like being curvy on another I could. But alas that is not how real life works so I will have to re-shape my body the good old fashioned way. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go find some chocolate to eat…