Re-evaluating my Choices

re-evaluate-situationI was thinking last night about my reasons for losing weight.   The first time as an adult was to impress a guy (yup, I was 25 and trying to impress someone).  I went on Meridia (does that even still exist?) and eating a Dr. Recommended 600 – 800 calories a day.  It was going great actually I had lost like 30 pounds and then I couldn’t afford it anymore so I quit taking it and quit eating like a sparrow and I started gaining weight.   I gained all 30 pounds back plus 10 more for good measure.  I went from 160ish pounds to 200; I cried and then went on with a little more self loathing.    I maintained around the 200 mark for the most part and then slowly 10 more little friends of my fat found my body and I was at 210, by this time I was 27.

The second time was when I saw a picture of myself sitting on the deck at my parent’s house and I was mortified at the meat sack on the chair.  My brother was graduating in a year, I could get at least some of this weight off. Right?  Right?!!!! I decided it was time to get serious at that point.  I went online I found a weight loss site, I plunked in my food, I ate that food, I moved a little and I lost some weight, than the holidays happened  and I gained all that weight back because  – well food.

I got upset and I quit but I held steady, I then found MFP.  I started making friends, I lost a little weight, got caught up in the social aspect, gained that weight back.  Had a heath scare, my thyroid decided it hated me even more than usual and here I sit.  Weighing about 10 pounds more than I weighed 3 years ago.

My brother’s grad came and went, I had family pictures.  I don’t hate them, but I think a lot has to do with the photographer – she was amazing.  But the fact remains that I was 215 pounds – 5 pounds heavier than when I started.  I was supposed to be close to my goal weight what the actual fuck?

This time my seriousness has changed, my reasons are different, I am ready to actually do this.  The switch clicked and it’s in a perpetual on state.    My original reason to lose weight was not health, it was not me, and it was to look good in 02.scale_family pictures.  Now my reasons are so I can do more mud runs next summer (I have 2 on my list), so I don’t die while doing said mud runs and so that I can feel like a bad ass all the time.

As of last week I am 100 pounds from my first goal weight – at 120 pounds I will re-evaluate and see if I want to lose 5 – 10 more pounds.  In all honestly 120 pounds sounds much like nirvana to me.  I would probably fall over dead if I saw that number.   Right now my goal weight is 5 pounds, when I hit that, it will be 5 more pounds, and then 5 more and well I am sure you get the point.  Small steps.   But how am I going to get there if I can’t figure this out, why am I not losing weight?  What is wrong with me?

Let me tell you, I have asked this question for 3 years.  3 years of no answers.  3 years of re-adjusting, and sitting, and re-adjusting again.  Eat 1200 calories, eat 1500 calories, eat 1700 calories same results; that result is nothing.  That is until yesterday.

I received a body media fit from my lovely friend  Rhonda. I had mentioned I was going to buy one and she gave me hers as she was no longer using it – all I had to do was get a new arm band and a subscription online.  AWESOME!! It was in my mail box on Tuesday when I got home.  I eagerly went in the house and set it up, charged it and then put it on my arm.

I went about my day yesterday as normal.  Woke up, got ready for work, and wore the armband all day.  At the end of the day I hooked it to the computer to sync, eagerly awaited it to finish and then read what it had to say.  Went to the activity monitor and …. I sat in awe at what I saw.  I saw one really major thing.  I don’t move very damn much in a regular day.  I work as an administrator for a quality department in a custom fab shop.  I am not a normal administrator though; I do have other duties which require me to be out on the floor form time to time. I walk between 2 building several times a day; I sit for what I thought was maybe 3 – 4 hours out of an 8 hour work day.  I calculated my daily intake based on being moderately active BEFORE any exercise.  Truth is I am sedentary.  My entire day I had 4412 steps of 8000 and that was ONLY because I went to Wal-Mart last night.  So really I probably only had 3800 steps (maybe even less).

I would have probably had a bigger burn as well last night but as I went to go for a walk and work out on the hill by my
house. I was deterred due to a massive cop presence in the neighborhood; which is quite unusual and when the one cop asked me to go home I did not argue.  I muttered something about sabotage and turned back.  I did sit and Watch Orange is the New Black last night, which was just me being a baby as I could have worked out at home.

newReally though I think I may have figured out why I am not losing weight.  The answer is really quite simple, I am not moving nearly as much and I am eating a whole lot more than I should be if I want to lose weight.  So the answer to this is quite simple actually.  MOVE MORE.  You know that answer is possibly the most simple answer, and I have read it a million times but when you are convinced you move quite a bit in a regular day it can really mess one up.

I can tell you though, after seeing that I have resolved to move my body more.  I brought my runners and am going to go for a walk at lunch.  I will get this sorted out pretty damn quick, because lets face it – no one likes being fat and I sure don’t want to be lazy. Also, Spartan Sprints really are not fun when you think you might die.




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