Giving Up is Not an Option

If you are on MFP and on my friends list you may have already read this, so I apologize.  I just want this here because it is something I don’t want to lose and who knows if I deactivate for some reason or I leave I don’t want to lose it.

I was going to hold off on writing this until my day counter said 365 days, and I clicked the counter off in settings because once I hit 365 days I really don’t care to see the number any more.  But I don’t have patience and if I don’t write it now I will probably forget.

This is not a normal success story, in fact for a lot of people it wouldn’t be a success story, they would consider it a failure of possibly epic proportion.  You see I started trying to lose just less than 100 pounds 3 years ago this past August, I weighed 210 pounds well more specifically 209.8 pounds.  I was devastated and decided it was time to do something.  I did a lot of things, and the scale would go down, and then go back up.  And right now it is up… way up in the 220’s so 14 – 16 pounds heavier than I started. Let’s be honest over the course of 3 years I have been on again off again.

I struggle daily with a lot of things that work to my disadvantage.  I have a thyroid that is wonky, it dips and spikes very frequently – to the point that all the people involved in trying to figure it out are confused as to why the medication can’t stabilize this, this has been on going since I was 18 to say it is tiring is an understatement.

I have hips that pop out of place regularly.  Have you ever tried to just live a normal life with hips that go all willy nilly when they feel like it?  It is tough, they go out when I sit in a chair for too long, or stand too long or bend the wrong way or any number of things can make them pop out.   Now try living an active life with hips that do that.  I have to be careful when I run or it happens and that is just not graceful at all.    I have learned to listen to my body, stop, stretch, rest, continue – I completed a 5K this past weekend (more on that later on) in under an hour – that was a huge huge victory for me.

I have a shoulder that is a bitch.  It hates me.  My hand has arthritis, it hates me, it does what it damn well feels like when it damn well feels like it, making a lot of weight lifting an adventure because I don’t want to list things over my head in case my hand lets go and I hit myself on the head with the weights.

The hips, shoulder and hand are all due to a car accident – I was rear ended in 2005 by a guy that was driving 90 km/hr,  I was stopped at a light and he was texting while driving, his Ford Explorer ended up in the backseat of my Hyundai Accent, literally.

These are not excuses these are actually things that inhibit me daily – in regular life and in diet.  I work around them, I work with them, I have learned to listen to by body in a way most people can only dream of, I can tell from the moment I open my eyes what kind of day I am going to have.  There are days I don’t work out , sometimes it is a week at a time this week is one of those weeks  –  I took my niece swimming last night and that is the extent of my exercise simply because my body just won’t do it.

Now on to the success part of my story.  I may have gained weight, I may not have lost everything I want, I may have a long way to go but there is success in this and this is my success.

June 29, 2013 I stepped out of a bus in a parking lot with 2 of my friends from here and my little brother, the air was palpable with excitement, I was sick to my stomach as I walked through the tent to my first Spartan Sprint, as I stood inline waiting to be marked up it got worse, I looked up a mountain and though “holy shit, what am I going to do I am so not ready for this.”  My youngest brother looked at me and whispered in my ear “if anyone can over come anything it is you… don’t let yourself stop.”   It pushed me to go.  That along with my amazing team mates Metaphoria and Parys and a few others not on MFP Jeff and the Bridgets got me through the race.  There were times where I literally crawled up the mountain, I thought the waiver was right and I might just die, I cursed a lot but I made it and when I crossed that finish line I cried.   I am not a crier and I cried.   It took us 2hours and 44 minutes to complete – and only that long because I held my team back, something I still feel bad about.

This past weekend I stepped out of my comfort zone again.  I did the Color Me Rad 5k.  By. Myself.  I am not a person who does things alone, I like doing them in groups but no one I knew wanted to do it with me, so I signed up on my own, I went to the run myself, and I did it.  Alone.  I had fun, I ran for more than I thought I could I walked faster than I have before.  I had a goal in mind I wanted to finish the race in an hour and ten minutes.   I crossed the finish line in 59:28.  It was a big deal for me.

If someone had come to me and said 320ish days ago that I would have a Spartan Medal and would be able to say I finished Color Me Rad in under an hour and that I didn’t walk the entire thing but ran parts of it I would have laughed at them and told them they had lost their minds, that I would never be able to do those things because only crazy fit people could run and only the really really crazy people did Spartans.

What’s next?  Well Next year I plan on doing the Spartan again, I will be better and stronger.  I am planning on doing the Dirty Donkey with my sister in-law, and the Color me Rad again.  I have goals; I have my eye set on something I know I can do.  I will do it.  I will kick ass.  Even if I don’t have a mass weight loss to be proud of or to flaunt there is success.

I guess I am writing this because I often see the “I quits”  or “I am so frustrated” or the “I ONLY lost 2 pounds this week” posts, I have been there I have wanted to quit, I have wanted to give up but if I did I wouldn’t have that fancy medal or those bragging rights.  Keep going; do not give up no matter how hard it is, how much it sucks or how much you just want to be done.  The things you can accomplish are amazing, and that feeling is always going to be there even if you are still 100+ pounds over weight.


4 responses to “Giving Up is Not an Option

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