Weird things happen….

When you are in the park at 6:30pm.  Seriously people weird things.   Before I get to the weird things I feel like you should have a little back story first.  I have issues with walking on inclines, and by issues I mean my calf muscles are very tight and I feel as though my leg will possibly snap from walking up an incline.  I resolved myself to training on an incline so that I could work those muscles, except… I hate the treadmill, but mostly I hate the treadmill at the gym.  My treadmill died a few months ago (RIP TOD) so I have been going to the gym to use the track which is awesome but there are no hills.   I sucked it up and resolved I would use the treadmill.

That is until I found 2 hills.  Well one is in an area that I don’t like, it is near a 7-11 that is a little shady and made me uncomfortable.  But recently we had a road open up and I found a hill!  A glorious little hill tucked away in the corner of a playground, which is a little bigger than the shady hill.    I am pretty excited about the hill; I have worked out on it twice now.

This is the hill from the bottom

This is the hill from the bottom

This is the hill (see left), it’s not huge and its not super small and there is enough of an incline that my fat little legs get wore out pretty good.  The first day I walked up to the hill and did one round (up and down) and decided that wasn’t enough of a work out so I did about 100 body weight squats (10 at the bottom, walk up the hill, 10 at the top, walk down the hill repeat until you think you are going to die.)  I walk up the hill forward, I walk up the hill backwards, and sometimes I lie at the top of the hill and beg all that is holy to kill me.



Towards the end of my workout the first night there I was tired, it was cooler but the sun was just setting.  I was half way up the hill on my 7th time up and bam… there is a dog that crests the hill; I stop to asses the situation.  Is this dog friendly and just wants to come say hi? Or is this dog wanting to make my posterior its meal.  Unfortunately this German Shepard wanted to do the latter of the 2 options.  He was not friendly.  So I stood my ground (running would have had me eaten or at least chewed on and that was not my idea of a good night.)   I stood there looking at this dog that obviously did not like me standing on the hill wondering what the actual fuck I was going to do, when its owner came over the hill and yelled at me.  Yes you read that she yelled at me!! As if it was my fault her dog hated me.  I calmly looked at her and said “well see I am not in an off leash park, so really you are in the wrong.  Next time maybe take your dog to the dog park and this wont happen” her response was really rather confusing, she said and I quote “he is too aggressive to be at the off leash park.”   Obviously this woman was not real smart, I shook my head and said “so bringing the dog to a child’s park makes so much more sense, if he is going to be to cross to be off leash at the dog park chances are he is too cross to be off leash at the children’s park, where you know… little kids play don’t you think?” She snarled something at me, and then called her dog off; I stood there for a minute, finished my round and then decided to call it quits.    I had been there for 30 minutes and it was getting dark. I had been there for 30 minutes and it was getting dark.

Just after the dog wanted to eat me.

Just after the dog wanted to eat me.

Yesterday I went back to the park, it was cold, and cloudy and looked like it might rain. Or worse, snow.  I figured if it started raining or snowing I would call it quits.  I walked up to the hill, I stood there for a while and made a plan, I was going to do as many times as I possibly could in 30 minutes and I would  do 10 body weigh squats at the bottom and at the top of the hill.  I ended up with 6 times up the hill, 6 times down the hill and 130 body weight squats in between.  When I was done I laid on the ground and cursed myself because I knew I was going to pay for it in the morning.

The sky last night.

The sky last night.

Me at the end of my work out.

Me at the end of my work out.

Once I regained composure and my legs didn’t feel quite so jelly filled, I hit the path back toward my truck, I saw a lady on the path a head of me riding her bike towards me and then she ducked off behind a tree. I thought it was a little weird that she ducked behind the tree but I wasn’t too worried about it, people are weird and I figured maybe she had to pee or something.  As I got closer to her I hear “I have pepper spray and I am not afraid to use it.”  I didn’t realize she was talking to me until she repeated it and I said “that’s nice, I don’t so please don’t spray me in the face.”  That is when she came back out and said “Oh you aren’t a rapist?!”  I was too shocked to respond with anything but an exasperated “uh… no.”

Now if you know anything about me (which you may not) I am not the most intimidating person to meet on a path.  I stand a whole 4’10” tall, so really anything that is bigger than that is pretty safe I look like a 12 year old when I walk down the street.  My brothers both told me I must have been wearing my rape face when I was walking back to the truck, it was the only explanation for the situation.

I have learned 2 very valuable lessons both times on the hill.

  1. People are crazy, and get crazier the closer it gets to 6:30pm
  2. Squats make me hurt… A LOT.  Combine them with hill work and I am pretty much unable to move for a day and a half after.

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